I was made aware of Titanium Court when a colleague posted a link to the trailer earlier this year. It was a most intriguing presentation, one which extolled the myriad reasons why no one should even consider playing the game. Thus, as I sit in my home office ruminating over my final verdict for this most unique of releases, it seems only proper to also evaluate the claims made in the video and verify their validity.
To summarize the video’s content, it consists essentially of two categories of messaging. The first: a solemn plea to the viewer to avoid the game entirely. The second: the various reasons why they should comply with the first.
The first two claims are as follows:
“It will dry-clean your brain. It will keep you up late.”
I can, with the utmost confidence, confirm that these claims are in fact accurate — perhaps even understated.
Titanium Court employs the simple and insidious match-three mechanic, whereby one is tasked with matching like tiles into groups of three or more. However, the devilish AP Thomson has intertwined and layered this tested and familiar mechanic within a roguishly flowing, entertaining, and introspective narrative that pulls the player inexorably along.
The Court, carried along upon a Tide, must gather resources by matching tiles. These resources are essential to fortifying your Court and defending against rival Courts who want nothing more than to remove you from the current plane of existence.
Fielding offensive units to attack enemy Courts is a valid means of prolonging your Court’s lifespan; however, there are several points one must carefully consider.
Unlike other devious distractions which encourage the unfettered conglomeration of similarly themed objects, Titanium Court’s advisors caution against this approach. This is due to the tidal nature of the world that the Court inhabits. At High Tide, the Court’s advisors recommend striking a balance between gathering resources and manipulating the battlefield in order to strengthen the Court’s position. To this end, it may be favorable to leave some matches unmade if said matches would allow the enemy an easier path to reach the Court. There may also appear, at times, tiles containing goods or services that you may wish to obtain. To do so, you must leave these tiles on the field. This will make their corresponding enhancements, such as Chests, Shops, or Hospitals, available at Low Tide. As an extra means of facilitating a more favorable position, the Court itself can move freely, one tile at a time, enabling it to entrench itself within a grouping of protective terrain tiles. Each strategic manipulation and movement costs time. Matches which cause a chain-reaction will buy the Court extra time, but eventually the Tide will roll out, and the next phase will begin.
At Low Tide, the battlefield is set, and now the Court must prepare. With the gathered resources, deploy units, structures, and spells to keep the Court and its Courtiers alive. Inevitably, though, the Court will be defeated. That is fine. Pour a glass of wine, take a breath, and continue on using everything you have learned up to that point.
Therein lies Titanium Court’s first hint of just how insidious it truly is. It plays upon humanity’s unwillingness to accept loss and our deep desire for growth. Thus it ensures its prior claim that “it will keep you up late” comes to pass. But oh, dear reader, that merely scratches the surface. With each lost battle, Titanium Court slowly unfurls, revealing its secrets at a steady pace.
Returning to the video, I would be remiss if I did not address the more serious claims made within. Such claims imply that severe health and legal issues would arise if one were to disregard the warnings given.
“It’s known to the state of California to induce vivid hallucinations and daydreams while driving. It is said to have side effects not unlike those found in cigarettes.”
My inquiry to California’s Department of Public Health has not yet received a response as of press time, so I must continue on with my own due diligence. With only a week of exposure to Titanium Court, I am not yet able to validate the long-term effects of playing the game. The immediate and short-term side effects — addiction, cardiovascular strain, and irritation — I can attest to with full confidence.
One more battle inevitably leads to many lost hours of potential productivity. Along with an elevated heart rate as battles play out — when you find yourself a hair’s breadth away from surviving, only to lose at the very last moment — this begets no small amount of irritation. Like most addicts, though, I merely pushed through the side effects and continued to play, as the ever-expanding landscape and layered mechanics being introduced felt more than worth the risk.
The video goes on to make claims citing various authorities. I have quoted the relevant sections before providing my own research.
“And so the Surgeon General would like to issue the following warning: Nine out of ten doctors recommend doing anything other than opening Steam and searching for AP Thomson’s most recent release.
Nine out of thirteen chiropractors agree that it’s bad for your bones and your joints and your body to click that wishlist link.”
With regards to the various medical professionals cited, I was unable to make a firm confirmation. I was only able to consult with one doctor and one chiropractor about Titanium Court. There was, however, a podiatry convention in town, and I was able to confer with ten podiatrists on the above claims.
I received a 100 percent unanimous response of “What?” and was then ushered off the premises.
Based on this, I can only assume that the wider medical community has not yet been made aware of the dangers of Titanium Court. Thus, I hope that my brief interaction with the podiatrists at the convention — prior to my eviction — has at least planted a seed that this is something worth investigating.
I can only speak from personal experience: playing Titanium Court for hours on end does begin to hurt after a while, so the chiropractors’ statements may in fact be accurate.
Now, there are other claims made in the video which I do not have the resources to personally investigate. So I will not go into them here. However, Titanium Court does possess other reasons to avoid playing it that I discovered on my own.
The game’s roguelike nature may be a sufficient deterrent to some. Though, in all fairness, its implementation within the context of the world is done masterfully. Each round has a distinct set of challenges to overcome, and each time you are inevitably defeated, the game introduces new tools, narrative hooks, and side-adventures to retain its place as the only thing capable of residing in your mind that day.
Just when I believed the game had shown me all it had to offer, more opened up, and I was pulled in anew.
In terms of how the game presents itself to the player, it is very much its own thing. The game’s C64-styled palette and pixel-art aesthetic, combined with the theatrical — that’s play, not movie — presentation, give the game a unique look. Another point in its favor is how the game uses its audio. The presentation is mostly sparse; however, sound effects are present at key points. The same holds true for the music, which only plays during specific portions of the game. The soundtrack is, like everything else about the game, infectious. But because there will be breaks between sections, fatigue never set in for me.
We are far enough along, dear reader, that I should at least touch upon a topic that is near and dear to my heart — accessibility. Titanium Court has a menu with various options. There are three fonts available, from a more authentic pixelated style to a very readable style. The latter is the one you see in the screenshots. This is a welcome option, and makes it easier for me to continue to succumb to Titanium Court’s illicit wiles. There are also options to toggle screen shake, animation on text, and a framerate counter. One wonders why the latter is considered an accessibility option. It seems more like a general option, in my humble opinion.
That said, there are a small handful of suggestions that I would make in order to make the game easier to play for those with varying degrees of sight. Firstly, I would suggest a letter label at the top right of a tile, always set on a black background for maximum visibility. For instance, F for Field, H for Water, W for Woods, etc. I would also suggest a simplified, alternative mouse cursor that can stand out, regardless of what is behind it.
In conclusion, though I was unable to validate all of the claims made in the video, I was able to confirm the main ones, and thus I would recommend heeding the warnings presented in the game’s introductory video. If, dear reader, you intend to do anything productive for the foreseeable future, do not play Titanium Court! Its blend of tested mechanics, wit, and creativity, combined into a truly whimsical, clever, and heartfelt package, takes you on a long, involved, and worthwhile journey. Titanium Court is not a game for those seeking quick gratification. It is one for those who favor substance over superficiality.
I was made aware of Titanium Court when a colleague posted a link to the trailer earlier this year. It was a most intriguing presentation, one which extolled the myriad reasons why no one should even consider playing the game. Thus, as I sit in my home office ruminating over my final verdict for this most unique of releases, it seems only proper to also evaluate the claims made in the video and verify their validity.
I was made aware of Titanium Court when a colleague posted a link to the trailer earlier this year. It was a most intriguing presentation, one which extolled the myriad reasons why no one should even consider playing the game. Thus, as I sit in my home office ruminating over my final verdict for this most unique of releases, it seems only proper to also evaluate the claims made in the video and verify their validity.
To summarize the video’s content, it consists essentially of two categories of messaging. The first: a solemn plea to the viewer to avoid the game entirely. The second: the various reasons why they should comply with the first.
The first two claims are as follows:
“It will dry-clean your brain. It will keep you up late.”
I can, with the utmost confidence, confirm that these claims are in fact accurate — perhaps even understated.
Titanium Court employs the simple and insidious match-three mechanic, whereby one is tasked with matching like tiles into groups of three or more. However, the devilish AP Thomson has intertwined and layered this tested and familiar mechanic within a roguishly flowing, entertaining, and introspective narrative that pulls the player inexorably along.
The Court, carried along upon a Tide, must gather resources by matching tiles. These resources are essential to fortifying your Court and defending against rival Courts who want nothing more than to remove you from the current plane of existence.
Fielding offensive units to attack enemy Courts is a valid means of prolonging your Court’s lifespan; however, there are several points one must carefully consider.
Unlike other devious distractions which encourage the unfettered conglomeration of similarly themed objects, Titanium Court’s advisors caution against this approach. This is due to the tidal nature of the world that the Court inhabits. At High Tide, the Court’s advisors recommend striking a balance between gathering resources and manipulating the battlefield in order to strengthen the Court’s position. To this end, it may be favorable to leave some matches unmade if said matches would allow the enemy an easier path to reach the Court. There may also appear, at times, tiles containing goods or services that you may wish to obtain. To do so, you must leave these tiles on the field. This will make their corresponding enhancements, such as Chests, Shops, or Hospitals, available at Low Tide. As an extra means of facilitating a more favorable position, the Court itself can move freely, one tile at a time, enabling it to entrench itself within a grouping of protective terrain tiles. Each strategic manipulation and movement costs time. Matches which cause a chain-reaction will buy the Court extra time, but eventually the Tide will roll out, and the next phase will begin.
At Low Tide, the battlefield is set, and now the Court must prepare. With the gathered resources, deploy units, structures, and spells to keep the Court and its Courtiers alive. Inevitably, though, the Court will be defeated. That is fine. Pour a glass of wine, take a breath, and continue on using everything you have learned up to that point.
Therein lies Titanium Court’s first hint of just how insidious it truly is. It plays upon humanity’s unwillingness to accept loss and our deep desire for growth. Thus it ensures its prior claim that “it will keep you up late” comes to pass. But oh, dear reader, that merely scratches the surface. With each lost battle, Titanium Court slowly unfurls, revealing its secrets at a steady pace.
Returning to the video, I would be remiss if I did not address the more serious claims made within. Such claims imply that severe health and legal issues would arise if one were to disregard the warnings given.
“It’s known to the state of California to induce vivid hallucinations and daydreams while driving. It is said to have side effects not unlike those found in cigarettes.”
My inquiry to California’s Department of Public Health has not yet received a response as of press time, so I must continue on with my own due diligence. With only a week of exposure to Titanium Court, I am not yet able to validate the long-term effects of playing the game. The immediate and short-term side effects — addiction, cardiovascular strain, and irritation — I can attest to with full confidence.
One more battle inevitably leads to many lost hours of potential productivity. Along with an elevated heart rate as battles play out — when you find yourself a hair’s breadth away from surviving, only to lose at the very last moment — this begets no small amount of irritation. Like most addicts, though, I merely pushed through the side effects and continued to play, as the ever-expanding landscape and layered mechanics being introduced felt more than worth the risk.
The video goes on to make claims citing various authorities. I have quoted the relevant sections before providing my own research.
“And so the Surgeon General would like to issue the following warning: Nine out of ten doctors recommend doing anything other than opening Steam and searching for AP Thomson’s most recent release.
Nine out of thirteen chiropractors agree that it’s bad for your bones and your joints and your body to click that wishlist link.”
With regards to the various medical professionals cited, I was unable to make a firm confirmation. I was only able to consult with one doctor and one chiropractor about Titanium Court. There was, however, a podiatry convention in town, and I was able to confer with ten podiatrists on the above claims.
I received a 100 percent unanimous response of “What?” and was then ushered off the premises.
Based on this, I can only assume that the wider medical community has not yet been made aware of the dangers of Titanium Court. Thus, I hope that my brief interaction with the podiatrists at the convention — prior to my eviction — has at least planted a seed that this is something worth investigating.
I can only speak from personal experience: playing Titanium Court for hours on end does begin to hurt after a while, so the chiropractors’ statements may in fact be accurate.
Now, there are other claims made in the video which I do not have the resources to personally investigate. So I will not go into them here. However, Titanium Court does possess other reasons to avoid playing it that I discovered on my own.
The game’s roguelike nature may be a sufficient deterrent to some. Though, in all fairness, its implementation within the context of the world is done masterfully. Each round has a distinct set of challenges to overcome, and each time you are inevitably defeated, the game introduces new tools, narrative hooks, and side-adventures to retain its place as the only thing capable of residing in your mind that day.
Just when I believed the game had shown me all it had to offer, more opened up, and I was pulled in anew.
In terms of how the game presents itself to the player, it is very much its own thing. The game’s C64-styled palette and pixel-art aesthetic, combined with the theatrical — that’s play, not movie — presentation, give the game a unique look. Another point in its favor is how the game uses its audio. The presentation is mostly sparse; however, sound effects are present at key points. The same holds true for the music, which only plays during specific portions of the game. The soundtrack is, like everything else about the game, infectious. But because there will be breaks between sections, fatigue never set in for me.
We are far enough along, dear reader, that I should at least touch upon a topic that is near and dear to my heart — accessibility. Titanium Court has a menu with various options. There are three fonts available, from a more authentic pixelated style to a very readable style. The latter is the one you see in the screenshots. This is a welcome option, and makes it easier for me to continue to succumb to Titanium Court’s illicit wiles. There are also options to toggle screen shake, animation on text, and a framerate counter. One wonders why the latter is considered an accessibility option. It seems more like a general option, in my humble opinion.
That said, there are a small handful of suggestions that I would make in order to make the game easier to play for those with varying degrees of sight. Firstly, I would suggest a letter label at the top right of a tile, always set on a black background for maximum visibility. For instance, F for Field, H for Water, W for Woods, etc. I would also suggest a simplified, alternative mouse cursor that can stand out, regardless of what is behind it.
In conclusion, though I was unable to validate all of the claims made in the video, I was able to confirm the main ones, and thus I would recommend heeding the warnings presented in the game’s introductory video. If, dear reader, you intend to do anything productive for the foreseeable future, do not play Titanium Court! Its blend of tested mechanics, wit, and creativity, combined into a truly whimsical, clever, and heartfelt package, takes you on a long, involved, and worthwhile journey. Titanium Court is not a game for those seeking quick gratification. It is one for those who favor substance over superficiality.
by Filippo Dinolfo
